I got into the habit of picking up myself when I have fallen  you've showed me that I walk in this path alone  These tears that I've cried trying to get you to understand me  ended up watering my skin and building the foundation  to love myself again  I got into the habit of knowing my worth  it came from losing myself with you and crying for you to love me  crying for you to care and take me into consideration  Telling you, yelling at you to care as much as I do turned the do to a did  and I started loving myself the way I begged you to love me  "Don't do what you don't want done to you"  That's what everyone grows up on knowing That's what allowed me to grow pure and loving  To give 110% in anything I run into  But with you I gave 150%  It was scary  But it also got me into the habit of opening myself up to really caring Even though, I went into this blindly and opened myself ...

INSECURITIES IT COMES FROM THE PAIN OF GROWING UP WITHOUT A COMPLETE FAMILY  FROM BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP ONE DAY TO A NEW ONE THE NEXT  FROM LOVING ONE PERSON AND GETTING HURT  FROM BETRAYAL  FROM FINDING ACCEPTANCE IN THE WRONG PLACES  FROM KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT WHEN YOU SHOULD'VE OPENED UP  IT COMES FROM BEING THE ONLY ONE THERE FOR YOUR FAMILY AND FEELING ALONE WHEN YOU NEED THEM  THE INSECURITIES BUILD OVERNIGHT WITHOUT US KNOWING  PEOPLE THINK IF WE DON'T FOCUS ON THEM THEN THEY WON'T COME UP  BUT THEY BECOME STRONGER TO THE POINT WHERE YOUR INSECURITIES SHOW EVEN WHEN THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH IS JUST BREATHING DIFFERENTLY  THIS IS NOT YOUR FLAW. THIS IS NOT YOUR UGLY SIDE. THIS IS JUST A BUMP IN THE ROAD THAT COMES UP AS YOU DRIVE DOWN THE PATH OF LIFE. YOU CAN FIX THIS AND SMOOTH OUT YOUR ROAD. BUT THIS MEANS YOU NEED TO COMMIT TO YOURSELF FULL-TIME  THIS MEANS DIGGING DEEP INTO WHAT REALLY HARMS YOUR MIND A...

She's dismissive  She's open  She's a pessimist    She's an opportunist  She's giving  She's selfish It's weird how in the beginning it was easy to figure her out  How when it was hot and heavy she was this perfect girl She was the one who was so calm, happy, and supportive At times you notice when she was out of it But addressing it seemed stupid because she snapped right back  How come now she's different? The snap backs took longer to come in effect  The smile that made you fall in love seemed to barely show now What is going on with her? Instead of only getting to know what made her happy you should've wondered what harmed her Yes it is understandable that the past has nothing to do with you and she may have seemed to have it all figured out and show she's fine... but she's human.. What?... You didn't know?... She decided to make it look like she's okay all this ...

Don’t tell me what they didn’t do Let me figure it out when I see your face when I do something you haven’t experienced  Don’t tell me how they hurt you  Tell me how you’ve never been this happy before  Let’s never backtrack  Because that’s brings fear we don’t need  Tell me you’re scared  But tell me that when we are watching a scary movie Don’t tell me you need me Show me when you call because you couldn’t figure out the remote to the tv Let me hold you When reality sets in & you’re overwhelmed with work & what to buy for Christmas  Be angry with me  For not listening & buying the other dress  Lose trust in me  Only when it comes to leaving your food around me Leave your past in the past  & only allow yourself to think about it when admitting we’ve came a long way & still are going & growing

The feeling of being heartbroken got the best of her  She let it all out She cried  She's in pain  She held one hand on her stomach and one on her throat  What hurts more is knowing that she can control what goes on & she can stop it if she wanted to  But not having the strength to stop the pain  It’s like crying over and over again until you don't even have the voice to cry or the tears anymore  Everything ran dry She had a scattered cry  The ones where you stop for several seconds because you forced yourself to daydream away from reality but somehow get snatched back & cry harder because you can’t seem to get away She was alone  In a house full of people she was alone  She got the energy to go to the bathroom She refused to look at herself in the mirror  Even though it was hours that she had been crying  She still refused to believe she was weak enough to let it break her She tu...

A t the end of the day before we fall asleep we always think. There are many thoughts that flow through the mind. How we could've done something to better a situation, why do we act one way when we can definitely be better & loved by more people, why are we alone in everything but surrounded by a lot of people? But see the thing is you are alone in what you deal with. I am not saying no one can be there. T here could be so many people who can be there for you & walk with you through any situation you are dealing with. But when it comes to healing your mind & heart or making the decisions needed, you stand alone. It is okay to just need you in certain circumstances like a break up or even the more severe situations such as losing yourself. They can distract you or try to help you with the situations, but when it comes to being physically alone your mind spirals. You lose touch of yourself & your soul. N ow there is...

If I hadn’t let you in so early  & if I had taken shit slowly  And did not quickly put you as the center of my world  then I wouldn’t be so disappointed in you & myself See it’s my fault too.  I automatically gave you my heart  I  wanted to forget the tears, fears, scars  & pain from  my past. I automatically gave you my trust knowing what I’ve been through. Instead of proceeding with caution.  I  zoomed in. Vulnerable, eager to just love someone new  & eager to be happy with someone else  Forget my past  Forget what I have been through  I just wanted to love & be in love All because I wasn’t happy with myself  So, it’s not all your fault that you hurt me It’s not all your fault  that you broke me  & it’s not all your fault that I  cried myself to sleep last night from the pain  It’s my fault too